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And just in case you can't figure it out, Urban Dictionary can tell you all about pegging.
Friday, December 3, 2010
To our beautiful family, our black President, and my magnificent dong.
For Alexandra! (Well, and anyone who missed it!)
And just in case you can't figure it out, Urban Dictionary can tell you all about pegging.
And just in case you can't figure it out, Urban Dictionary can tell you all about pegging.
World Domination Protocol #34: Get Your Own Navy
The Royal Navy announced recently that they're selling one of their aircraft carriers, the HMS Invincible. If you've got a couple million spare dollars floating about, you can have your very own aircraft carrier. An aircraft carrier, as Tom Clancy would tell you, is a projection of power on the seas. With the planes it carries and the ships that accompany it, the carrier owns a huge chunk of the water around it. Tom would go on from there and tell you how the carrier was built, where it was built, what company won the contract, the names of the crews who put it together, and go on and on about rivets and bulkheads and... well, by then you'd be asleep or clobbering Tom over the head to get him to shut up.
The Invincible was once the pride of the fleet, and saw action during the Falklands War. Now, what with the Brits trying to sort out their financial house, certain items like decommissioned aircraft carriers have no place in the fleet. So it's up on the market, though obviously not for someone answering to the name of Bin Laden. At least we hope not.
Well, in my occasional musings on the matter of world domination, it seems that a carrier would come in handy. Particularly if she comes fully armed and including the planes. It's not much use otherwise. So, what would I do first?
I'd need time to give the Invincible a shakedown cruise. And get some target practice in. I'd like to start with using Justin Bieber's house for target practice, but I somehow doubt an aircraft carrier can get up the Welland Canal, into Lake Erie, and up that river to the town of Stratford. Besides, even if it could, I'm sure the town fathers would resent having their town bombarded like that.
So, what else to use for target practice? Well, it would have to be somewhere along the coast for proper operations. There's one good choice there. Golf courses. I hate golf. And in the new world order I'll establish, golf shall be banned. In fact, anyone even thinking of playing golf will be shot on sight.
Therefore, St. Andrews-By-The-Sea would be fair game. And so would these guys:
We all know that wiping golf off the face of the earth would be doing the world a favour, so bombarding those golf courses in advance will be fair warning. Tiger, time to set your clubs aside and find something else to do. Aside from chasing whatever bimbo of the week catches your eye...
He said...and I'm quoting here..."soon."
I can only hope this doesn't come back to bite me in the ass (re: finals), BUT CAN WE HAVE SNOW NOW PLEASE??! At this rate, it's not going to snow here until I fly home to Texas for Christmas!
Though ironically, Denton, TX saw a shit-ton more snow than Boston, MA last year. Including our first white Christmas since 1926! :D Can we have another one?
I also intensely miss fireplaces, needless to say. Although thanks to a law school friend's facebook post, I now know about YULE LOG!
It's a little pathetic, but I will take it where I can get it, man.
This is the Yule Log Cam, I believe. So I can sit here and have a "roaring fire" (yes, yes, on my TV) with xmas music playing (I think I will play my own, thanks). There is a slightly different channel with just a loud crackling, fire. But the Yule Log is sexier. Yes, I am very discriminating.
So last night was my last night of class! It was my favorite class, and the prof even brought little mini muffins and cider. (There are 12 of us.) I couldn't stop eating them but was trying since D and I had reservations at Rabia. The online menu is very old, apparently, but still pretty similar. Their menu there at the restaurant was much more extensive.
I was taking D for xmas dinner and also to kinda celebrate being halfway done with law school, assuming I don't fail evidence or agency. O_o
I really meant to take my camera and I'm pissed that I didn't. We will simply have to go back and order the same things again. For the appetizer, we had the lobster bruscetta bisque thing--not on the online menu--which is this bread bowl filled with lobster chunks and bisque...I think it was gone in four bites--two each.
D had the:
Ziti with Broccoli & Artichokes
Broccoli florets, artichoke hearts & ziti served in a garlic, lemon & extra-virgin olive oil sauce
I had the:
Honey-Glazed Butternut Squash & Pumpkin Ravioli
In a cream gorgonzola sauce drizzled with a balsamic reduction glaze
We shared a cherry crumble cheesecake which smelled radiantly fresh before you even took a bite.
It was completely dead in there, even for a Thursday night, which I really liked. I hate to feel rushed and that's a real possibility in the North End. You simply CANNOT go in the summer because the tourists ruin it. So many places don't even take reservations--why should they? Nor do most places even have coffee or dessert--again, that would seriously hinder their turnover and profit, that's how fucking crazy it gets. And watch out--some places also don't take credit cards! Yikes. Actually that happens in all of Boston with minor regularity...scary if you're like me and don't have an ATM card and never carry cash!
So I like the North End in the winter and even the weekends in winter are probably worth avoiding. But I would go back to Rabia's anytime, my ravioli was superb.
Oh, and here's the Prosecco Brut Maschio I bought myself while I was waiting for D. (I was at least reading my agency notes...) I used my phone's camera which is on the crappy side...
It's not like champagne at all, it's hard to describe. But it was quite nice. I was also sitting at the oyster bar--I think (like so many places here) they are also known for their oysters. I'm not a HUGE oyster fan, but in small doses they are fun. Like once a year. And not last night. I went for heavier fare...
Though ironically, Denton, TX saw a shit-ton more snow than Boston, MA last year. Including our first white Christmas since 1926! :D Can we have another one?
I also intensely miss fireplaces, needless to say. Although thanks to a law school friend's facebook post, I now know about YULE LOG!
It's a little pathetic, but I will take it where I can get it, man.
This is the Yule Log Cam, I believe. So I can sit here and have a "roaring fire" (yes, yes, on my TV) with xmas music playing (I think I will play my own, thanks). There is a slightly different channel with just a loud crackling, fire. But the Yule Log is sexier. Yes, I am very discriminating.
So last night was my last night of class! It was my favorite class, and the prof even brought little mini muffins and cider. (There are 12 of us.) I couldn't stop eating them but was trying since D and I had reservations at Rabia. The online menu is very old, apparently, but still pretty similar. Their menu there at the restaurant was much more extensive.
I was taking D for xmas dinner and also to kinda celebrate being halfway done with law school, assuming I don't fail evidence or agency. O_o
I really meant to take my camera and I'm pissed that I didn't. We will simply have to go back and order the same things again. For the appetizer, we had the lobster bruscetta bisque thing--not on the online menu--which is this bread bowl filled with lobster chunks and bisque...I think it was gone in four bites--two each.
D had the:
Ziti with Broccoli & Artichokes
Broccoli florets, artichoke hearts & ziti served in a garlic, lemon & extra-virgin olive oil sauce
I had the:
Honey-Glazed Butternut Squash & Pumpkin Ravioli
In a cream gorgonzola sauce drizzled with a balsamic reduction glaze
We shared a cherry crumble cheesecake which smelled radiantly fresh before you even took a bite.
It was completely dead in there, even for a Thursday night, which I really liked. I hate to feel rushed and that's a real possibility in the North End. You simply CANNOT go in the summer because the tourists ruin it. So many places don't even take reservations--why should they? Nor do most places even have coffee or dessert--again, that would seriously hinder their turnover and profit, that's how fucking crazy it gets. And watch out--some places also don't take credit cards! Yikes. Actually that happens in all of Boston with minor regularity...scary if you're like me and don't have an ATM card and never carry cash!
So I like the North End in the winter and even the weekends in winter are probably worth avoiding. But I would go back to Rabia's anytime, my ravioli was superb.
Oh, and here's the Prosecco Brut Maschio I bought myself while I was waiting for D. (I was at least reading my agency notes...) I used my phone's camera which is on the crappy side...
It's not like champagne at all, it's hard to describe. But it was quite nice. I was also sitting at the oyster bar--I think (like so many places here) they are also known for their oysters. I'm not a HUGE oyster fan, but in small doses they are fun. Like once a year. And not last night. I went for heavier fare...
Plunk rock
I’m sorry to say that I’ve never been able to play a musical instrument, but deep down I know I should really have been a bass player. It’s all about temperament; it’s the Eeyore-ish, resentful glumness about them, based on the fact that, excepting the case of those who operate in the realms of funk and reggae, only about 10% of the audience will be able to identify the noise they’re making, above those ghastly egomaniacs, the guitarists and drummers and saxophonists. One way that bassists do assert their individuality, though, is through the medium of deliciously preposterous names. Don’t believe me? All the following are American jazz bass players; bar one, who’s a fictional character in a book by Thomas Pynchon. Ronnie Boykins
Wellman Braud
Monty Budwig
Jimmy Butts
Spanky DeBrest
Malachi Favors
Squire Gersh
Chris Lightcap
Cecil McBee
Grachan Moncur II
Kurt Mondaugen
Buell Neidlinger
Lonnie Plaxico
Esperanza Spalding
Victor Sproles
Hank Van Sickle
Ike Sturm
Leroy Vinnegar
Virtue Hampton Whitted
Chester Zardis
The fact that you almost certainly can’t spot the ringer suggests to me that the majority of bassists are in fact minor characters from the works of Pynchon (or Kurt Vonnegut, or possibly Philip K Dick) who have temporarily invaded what mere mortals (and trombonists) foolishly know as ‘the real world’.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Yes, You Too Can Be Relationship Spammed By Steroid Freaks
When I was on Myspace regularly, a frequent problem would be the occasional nymphet showing up, mass spamming 5000 guys with the same pictures, the same message that basically read Hi, I'm looking for a sugar daddy or someone to boink while my parents/ husband/ employer/ parole officer isn't paying attention.
I had thought those days were well behind me, what with abandoning Myspace in favour of the much more user friendly (and relationship spammer free) Blogspot and its counterparts. Unfortunately, however, there's Facebook.
For the most part, it's much more rare to have that sort of thing turn up in your inbox. Unless, of course, you enter terms such as "looking for quickies" into your basic profile. Still, from time to time, one does get a friend request, and inevitably it leads to a woman who's "looking for men" profile. Other times, it's someone new who knows someone you know from Facebook. Such a thing happened today, and a quick check of the profile told me she was safe to include.
Yesterday, however, I got a friends request from someone named Butch.
Who's this? I wondered.
A look at the profile of Butch found a body builder, of all things. Barely wearing anything, and obviously a steroid user. Aren't they all? What I didn't find in looking at that profile was any reason Butch would know me. No trace of mutual friends, no common interests, so... I'm forced to conclude that Butch was pulling the "Hey, will you be my boink buddy" routine. Why else would one circulate such pictures of oneself to strange men?
Sorry, Butch. You're entirely lacking in the sort of equipment that interests me, buddy, so no, I'll pass. Besides, even if I would swing that way, steroid freaks are just that... freaks. Emphasis on freaks. Such as this fellow:
Or him:
Come on... who really wants to look like this?
The relationship spammer. Everytime one of them turns up somewhere, whether it's Myspace, Facebook, or elsewhere on the great social media network, my reaction to them has to be....
Though Poe and I weren't what you'd call simpatico, he shouldn't have taken two in the chest.
Ha ha, Alex, I just couldn't get this line out of my head.
I have to admit I've been watching The Good Guys. It's not that it's good, but...I keep watching it. I guess I have two reasons.
The two main characters (Colin Hanks and Bradley Whitford) are entertaining enough but if the two women were any more poorly written or uninteresting...they are clearly token women. (One could try to argue that that goes with the show's "style," but I call bullshit and weak writing.) And I find the women so disappointing since the same guy who created it (Matt Nix) created Burn Notice. And we all know Burn Notice has Gabrielle Anwar. 'nuff said.
So the first reason I have for continuing to watch is that I just like Bradley Whitford. Even if his character does have to have a creepy 'stache. Whitford does smarmy so well, from Adventures in Babysitting to the pretentious douchebag he played on The West Wing. Not that I didn't secretly enjoy Josh, but man, what a douche. And he's actually not playing smarmy here at all, but he does provide the only laughs, usually from a nice, dry delivery. (To be fair, Hanks does a nice job, he's just not written for laughs. Also? He sounds exactly like his father and it's often quite eerie.)
The other reason? It is totally and completely shot in Dallas! I think I spend the majority of the time trying to figure out where they are, checking out the backgrounds or the buildings. One whole episode large featured The Crescent (where Alex I stayed once and I believe Mob and K had their honeymoon). Though I have to say, it took them long enough to get some new B-roll, sheesh. Also? Kinda neat to see all the Texas license plates again. ;)
#44. Gremlins (1984).
Ah, Gremlins. I had not seen this in several years, but I still remember it vividly.
(I never really noticed in this scene before but yes, Gizmo's mouth goes from this horrified frown to a gaping "O" throughout the scene, it's awesome.)
I just appreciate this movie even more, though, you know why? I honestly feel like this was supposed to be "family-oriented" but you know? It's really pretty dark! And I also think this is a great example of special effects having way more attention and love paid to DETAILS. That just doesn't happen with CG these days.
For example, the kitchen scene. Someone spent HOURS figuring out how to blow up a Gremlin, what should happen when you put one in a blender, and then they got to spend HOURS making the innards and they clearly had fun doing it. The microwave-exploding Gremlin--now that's a real nice effect. Also, the scene where Billy feeds them chicken after midnight--great close-ups and even greater sound effects...I'm surprised I can still eat fried chicken.
So I know it was this movie and Temple of Doom (same release time) that brought about PG-13 from the MPAA. Because this is more than a PG but really not R material. And I loathe the MPAA generally, but I do see the point here. For example, like right off the bat, Mrs. Deagle is telling Billy about how she wants his dog so she can take him to the kennel to have him put down, but if she got her hands on him she'd kill him slowly, like put him in her dryer on high.
Real nice. But I just wish movies were still like this, kinda dark and edgier and not so watered down like they are now.
And apparently it was supposed to be darker (from imdb):
Chris Columbus' script went through a few drafts before a shooting script was finalized. His original version had the creatures killing the dog and cutting off the mom's head and tossing it down the stairs. These elements were never shot due to the fact that both Joe Dante and Warner Bros. wanted the movie to be more family oriented.
Mr. Hanson, the science teacher, originally died with dozens of hypodermic needles stuck in his face. But, by request from Steven Spielberg, this scene was re-shot it with just a single needle in the buttocks.
And though this movie is 26 years old (!!), Gizmo is still really fucking cute. And this was also one of the first movies I ever saw in the theater. My dad and two sisters saw it first and I had to stay home with my mom. But I got to eat Nerds, so there was that. And apparently after seeing it, my dad thought I could handle it. (Sound judgment similarly demonstrated later by making me watch Eraserhead at age 11--ha ha, hi dad! Of course I'm glad I saw both.) I wasn't a fan of going to bed that night after the Gremlins viewing, but obviously I managed.
But getting back to the content, I never really liked Billy much. He's just too douchey and naive. Like when he's walking Cate home. "I thought everyone was happy at the holidays." What are you, five? Of course, then there's Cate: "While everyone else is opening their presents, [some people] are opening their wrists." WTF?? Thanks, Cate. Super cheery.
But back to the bucket of douche that is Billy: I love his reaction when he first sees Gizmo. "Wow, Dad, he's really neat." NEAT? Like, NO ONE is fazed by the fact they have no idea what the fuck this living creature is. (This living creature that can't drink water. O_o)
Even when he first shows Gizmo to Corey Feldman (who's like 7), Feldman's all, "Neat. What's his name?" I mean, if someone showed you a weird looking live creature and claimed it was their pet, I think I'd be mildly concerned.
And then when Feldman knocks the water over? Billy really doesn't seem all that concerned in proportion to the intense FREAKING OUT that Gizmo starts up. He really comes off like an irresponsible shit, I can't believe his dog has lived as long as he has.
And one last neat thing from imdb I hadn't ever picked up on:
Mrs. Deagle, the richest lady in town, has named her cats after different kinds of currency (including Kopeck, Drachma and Dollar Bill).
So all in all, I think this one survives the years really nicely, but I'm also incredibly biased by nostalgia. If you don't believe me, I think I still have my stuffed Gizmo in storage. ;)
I have to admit I've been watching The Good Guys. It's not that it's good, but...I keep watching it. I guess I have two reasons.
The two main characters (Colin Hanks and Bradley Whitford) are entertaining enough but if the two women were any more poorly written or uninteresting...they are clearly token women. (One could try to argue that that goes with the show's "style," but I call bullshit and weak writing.) And I find the women so disappointing since the same guy who created it (Matt Nix) created Burn Notice. And we all know Burn Notice has Gabrielle Anwar. 'nuff said.
So the first reason I have for continuing to watch is that I just like Bradley Whitford. Even if his character does have to have a creepy 'stache. Whitford does smarmy so well, from Adventures in Babysitting to the pretentious douchebag he played on The West Wing. Not that I didn't secretly enjoy Josh, but man, what a douche. And he's actually not playing smarmy here at all, but he does provide the only laughs, usually from a nice, dry delivery. (To be fair, Hanks does a nice job, he's just not written for laughs. Also? He sounds exactly like his father and it's often quite eerie.)
The other reason? It is totally and completely shot in Dallas! I think I spend the majority of the time trying to figure out where they are, checking out the backgrounds or the buildings. One whole episode large featured The Crescent (where Alex I stayed once and I believe Mob and K had their honeymoon). Though I have to say, it took them long enough to get some new B-roll, sheesh. Also? Kinda neat to see all the Texas license plates again. ;)
#44. Gremlins (1984).
Ah, Gremlins. I had not seen this in several years, but I still remember it vividly.
(I never really noticed in this scene before but yes, Gizmo's mouth goes from this horrified frown to a gaping "O" throughout the scene, it's awesome.)
I just appreciate this movie even more, though, you know why? I honestly feel like this was supposed to be "family-oriented" but you know? It's really pretty dark! And I also think this is a great example of special effects having way more attention and love paid to DETAILS. That just doesn't happen with CG these days.
For example, the kitchen scene. Someone spent HOURS figuring out how to blow up a Gremlin, what should happen when you put one in a blender, and then they got to spend HOURS making the innards and they clearly had fun doing it. The microwave-exploding Gremlin--now that's a real nice effect. Also, the scene where Billy feeds them chicken after midnight--great close-ups and even greater sound effects...I'm surprised I can still eat fried chicken.
So I know it was this movie and Temple of Doom (same release time) that brought about PG-13 from the MPAA. Because this is more than a PG but really not R material. And I loathe the MPAA generally, but I do see the point here. For example, like right off the bat, Mrs. Deagle is telling Billy about how she wants his dog so she can take him to the kennel to have him put down, but if she got her hands on him she'd kill him slowly, like put him in her dryer on high.
Real nice. But I just wish movies were still like this, kinda dark and edgier and not so watered down like they are now.
And apparently it was supposed to be darker (from imdb):
Chris Columbus' script went through a few drafts before a shooting script was finalized. His original version had the creatures killing the dog and cutting off the mom's head and tossing it down the stairs. These elements were never shot due to the fact that both Joe Dante and Warner Bros. wanted the movie to be more family oriented.
Mr. Hanson, the science teacher, originally died with dozens of hypodermic needles stuck in his face. But, by request from Steven Spielberg, this scene was re-shot it with just a single needle in the buttocks.
And though this movie is 26 years old (!!), Gizmo is still really fucking cute. And this was also one of the first movies I ever saw in the theater. My dad and two sisters saw it first and I had to stay home with my mom. But I got to eat Nerds, so there was that. And apparently after seeing it, my dad thought I could handle it. (Sound judgment similarly demonstrated later by making me watch Eraserhead at age 11--ha ha, hi dad! Of course I'm glad I saw both.) I wasn't a fan of going to bed that night after the Gremlins viewing, but obviously I managed.
But getting back to the content, I never really liked Billy much. He's just too douchey and naive. Like when he's walking Cate home. "I thought everyone was happy at the holidays." What are you, five? Of course, then there's Cate: "While everyone else is opening their presents, [some people] are opening their wrists." WTF?? Thanks, Cate. Super cheery.
But back to the bucket of douche that is Billy: I love his reaction when he first sees Gizmo. "Wow, Dad, he's really neat." NEAT? Like, NO ONE is fazed by the fact they have no idea what the fuck this living creature is. (This living creature that can't drink water. O_o)
Even when he first shows Gizmo to Corey Feldman (who's like 7), Feldman's all, "Neat. What's his name?" I mean, if someone showed you a weird looking live creature and claimed it was their pet, I think I'd be mildly concerned.
And then when Feldman knocks the water over? Billy really doesn't seem all that concerned in proportion to the intense FREAKING OUT that Gizmo starts up. He really comes off like an irresponsible shit, I can't believe his dog has lived as long as he has.
And one last neat thing from imdb I hadn't ever picked up on:
Mrs. Deagle, the richest lady in town, has named her cats after different kinds of currency (including Kopeck, Drachma and Dollar Bill).
So all in all, I think this one survives the years really nicely, but I'm also incredibly biased by nostalgia. If you don't believe me, I think I still have my stuffed Gizmo in storage. ;)
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The Very Bad Thing
Sarah Palin Wins Stunning Election Victory; President Obama "Devastated"
Republican darling and unlikely presidential candidate Sarah Palin won a stunning election victory in the nation, taking a landslide amount of the votes, unseating President Obama and leading the Republicans to astounding gains across the country. In her victory speech, she promised to serve at least one year before thinking of handing the reins over to Vice President Elect Glenn Beck. Addressing crowds in her home town of Wasilla, Alaska, Palin vowed to put God, guns, and good old fashioned conservative values back into every classroom and home in the nation, before exporting her brand of political beliefs to every corner of the planet. "Like our founding father Benny Franklin would have said, this is our manifest destination, you betcha, by golly... What do you mean, it wasn't Franklin who said that?"
Did I scare you there?
Don't worry, I'm sure the Yanks won't be crazy enough to elect her. And if they are... well, at least it won't be a dull four years. Or one year, by which time she'll have grown bored and resign.
Yes, that would be a very bad thing, particularly when she unleashes her secret Human Blood For All Vampires agenda.
Anyway, I'm not talking about Vampire Sarah today... as tempting as it would be.
I've come to the threshold in writing. I'm about to set out on writing the Very Bad Thing.
For those of you who might just be coming in late, I'm in the midst of a book I'm calling Heaven & Hell. It's a spy thriller, set largely in the Middle East. I've been alluding in blogs to the Very Bad Thing. It's the central event of the book, and in fact the genesis of the whole project. Years ago, watching a newscast about the eternal Israel and Palestinian question, I asked a question. That question is where the book started. Unfortunately I can't just say the question here... because the Very Bad Thing would be out in the open.
I will say this much. It's a bombing. A very big bombing, taking the terrorist group much time to prepare. The death toll involved will be catastrophic. I had once thought that such a book shouldn't be written first off, given the likely controversy it would entail, but Norma talked me into running with this one.
And I've come to the point where I'm about to go into it. The chapter I'm just starting to write now is called The Road To Hell. Very appropriate title, I thought, given what I'm about to unleash in the book. The attack is close at hand, just a day away, and the Covenant is ready to drive the entire Middle East into war.
The challenge now before me is... how much is too much? I want to be as descriptive as possible about the explosion. There is a line though, and for those of you who've read Tom Clancy, you'll know what I mean. Tommy likes to stop his narrative in the middle to explain to you about his favourite new toy, whether it's how a nuclear explosion happens or who designed the missile rack on an F-35. I find that profoundly annoying, and that's a line I don't want to cross. I don't believe it'll be a problem, but as I'm writing, I'll have to take care to remember not to, oh, stop in the midst of carnage and tell you precisely what happens when a human body is ripped in half.
Though I'm sure Vampire Sarah would love to go into detail about blood and gore and how she can feed her Tea Party minions on the blood of liberals, you betcha!
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