World Domination Protocol #34: Get Your Own Navy

The Royal Navy announced recently that they're selling one of their aircraft carriers, the HMS Invincible. If you've got a couple million spare dollars floating about, you can have your very own aircraft carrier. An aircraft carrier, as Tom Clancy would tell you, is a projection of power on the seas. With the planes it carries and the ships that accompany it, the carrier owns a huge chunk of the water around it. Tom would go on from there and tell you how the carrier was built, where it was built, what company won the contract, the names of the crews who put it together, and go on and on about rivets and bulkheads and... well, by then you'd be asleep or clobbering Tom over the head to get him to shut up.

The Invincible was once the pride of the fleet, and saw action during the Falklands War. Now, what with the Brits trying to sort out their financial house, certain items like decommissioned aircraft carriers have no place in the fleet. So it's up on the market, though obviously not for someone answering to the name of Bin Laden. At least we hope not.

Well, in my occasional musings on the matter of world domination, it seems that a carrier would come in handy. Particularly if she comes fully armed and including the planes. It's not much use otherwise. So, what would I do first?

I'd need time to give the Invincible a shakedown cruise. And get some target practice in. I'd like to start with using Justin Bieber's house for target practice, but I somehow doubt an aircraft carrier can get up the Welland Canal, into Lake Erie, and up that river to the town of Stratford. Besides, even if it could, I'm sure the town fathers would resent having their town bombarded like that.

So, what else to use for target practice? Well, it would have to be somewhere along the coast for proper operations. There's one good choice there. Golf courses. I hate golf. And in the new world order I'll establish, golf shall be banned. In fact, anyone even thinking of playing golf will be shot on sight.

Therefore, St. Andrews-By-The-Sea would be fair game. And so would these guys:

We all know that wiping golf off the face of the earth would be doing the world a favour, so bombarding those golf courses in advance will be fair warning. Tiger, time to set your clubs aside and find something else to do. Aside from chasing whatever bimbo of the week catches your eye...