Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we're not back by dawn... call the president.

I'm watching pre-Globes shows for dresses and glitz, but I have no pictures...maybe they'll pop up as the night wears on. But I'm ranting anyway, sorry.

(Editor's Note: Pics now!)

What the fuck is Natalie Portman wearing? It would be quite flattering (with her noticeable baby bump) but for the giant rose on her chest. It's less awful than it should be, but it's still wrong.



January Jones...um, her dress is just too...obvious? I wish I had pictures. She must feel weirdly naked?

Gofugyourself said it well: Maybe we're distracted because the bodice of her bright red Versace is basically two ribbons wrapped around her boobs. Ryan is outwardly confused and distracted by this. It is a very obvious choice, and Jones smarms to Ryan that she didn't wear it to be ignored. We get it, honey. We get it.




ScarJo....HAHAHAHAHAHA. Total Bride of Frankenstein hair, WTF.

Helena Bonham Carter...dude. It's OTT and ridic and normally I'd give her shit, but you know, she's actually kinda pulling it off. Damn. Way to bring the crazy, girl. Mismatched shoes and all.



Nicole's dress is a huge meh. She is also looking very cakey.

Jesus, Ryan Seacrest is such a goddamn douchebag. How does this man seriously have a job? Who dates this loser? Anyway.

Elizabeth Moss looks smokin'! Great emerald dress!

Jon Hamm is looking awesome AND being goofy, that's great. I'm charmed.

Okay, the other E! host is literally a fucking skeleton. She is creeping me out. She's overly bronzed, skeletal and oozing desperation.

Speaking of skeletal, I want to like Angelina's dress, it's sparkly AND dark green, but damn, eat a couple cheeseburgers, girl.

Ok, show time...